Single mothers make their lives an open book Collaborative effort aims to empower, inspire those facing adversity BY JENNIFER AMATO Staff Writer NORTH BRUNSWICK - For My Daughter's Keeper Inc. (MDK), mom's the word. However, moms come in all shapes and sizes: Rich, poor. Old, young. Educated, going through school. Married, single. Therefore, MDK, North Brunswick, recently launched a new program called Project Single Moms, a movement designed to empower, educate, engage, energize, equip and enhance the quality of life for single mothers. "Women, in general, allow themselves to be single moms defined as women, but they are women first, then they choose to have a baby," said Stephanie M. Clark, the founder and CEO of MDK. "I felt it was really important to have single moms focus on being a woman and think about your goals and think about your needs and think about yourself as a single mom secondly. … It's not so much that life is hard as a single mom but life is hard as a woman because of some of the choices we've made in our lives." On July 28, 29 single mothers from the tri-state area met at the Hyatt New Brunswick Hotel to discuss the book they contributed to, called "Life as a Single Mom: It Isn't Easy or Is It?" The soft cover, non-fiction book sets out to inspire those who may have given in to life's adversities which may cause them to be ineffective in raising their children as well as tools to accomplish personal and professional goals. The book outlines 10 steps to achieving success as a parent and provides heartfelt stories from mothers from the U.S. to as far as Australia. "This is an opportunity for single moms to learn from each other," Clark said. "We want them to become inspired and let them know that they are not alone, that there are other women who may be facing the same challenges and there is a network of women who understand what the realities are." Clark put out a national call in May and over 120 women responded with their stories of empowerment, insight and resources. Of the 47 moms featured in the book, 56 percent indicate their greatest need is financial, and 44 percent note parental support as a second priority. "Their strength and resiliency has allowed these single moms to successfully raise their children on their own as well as achieve some of their personal and professional goals. Yet, in the quiet silence of their hearts and minds, many single moms still feel blocked, alone and that their dreams have been deferred or are not within their reach trying to make it on their own," Clark said. Clark said the book is not designed to bash men but to instead give women hope and power. She said that most single moms do not choose to be single and have a desire to remarry, but that singlehood "puts a lot of, not just responsibility, but a tremendous obligation for the people who are sort of left to be the primary caretaker. And what's wonderful about these stories is that none of these women ever had a second thought about whether or not they would be able to raise their children on their own. The attitude is that, these are my children and I'm going to do whatever it takes to raise them." Clark mentioned her own mother, who is now 83, and her struggle to raise 13 children on her own when their father passed away at a young age. Clark said that someone called Social Services anonymously for her mother but that she refused any type of assistance, except for a new refrigerator. She was a cosmetologist for 35 years and raised her family in the back of the beauty salon; Clark said many of the women in the book take full responsibility and try to beat the system, raising their kids on their own. "It's so important for young women … to see that and to hear stories of women in their 80s and 90s and who are single moms saying they don't have to be in the system … but if you believe in yourself, don't be lazy or pity yourself or have other people pity you, you can make it on your own if you want to," Clark said. Therefore, the book also includes a chapter dedicated to teenage motherhood or those tempted to become young, single moms. Clark said that although teen pregnancy is declining, the rate of single mothers is rising. She said a lot of the stories she has heard have come from mothers who were teenagers at the time, and they share their experiences of raising their children, taking care of themselves and leading productive lives. In addition, because the book is applicable to any woman of any race, age, socio-economic background or marital status, there are tips for strengthening and healing mother-daughter relationships. Clark is a single mother of a 17-year-old daughter and created the MDK organization to empower other single moms. The book venture is the first of many topics Clark would like to put into print, designed to take her own personal experiences and formulate them into techniques and ideas other people can benefit from. Therefore, Clark decided that 25 percent of the sales of the book will be used to help create a special support fund for single moms called "A Hand Up" to teach women to put their hand up instead of out. The funds will be used to offer temporary financial assistance to single moms for emergency and empowerment purposes without obligation to repay, such as basic needs, travel for emergency situations, health care, rent or mortgage payment assistance, utility assistance, transportation, child care tuition, business formation and educational assistance. In addition, a yearly membership fee of $50 will be put toward the fund. Clark has challenged her "Project Single Moms" ambassadors to recruit 20 single mothers each to join the program so that by the end of the year, 1,000 women will have access to a grant application and at least 20 women will be assisted in 2008. "It is important for us to reach back. If we're looking down, we're only looking down to help bring someone else up. The more you give, the more you receive," she said. The entire Project Single Moms program also includes members only chat rooms and discussion boards; Webinars about financial planning, home ownership, eliminating debt and higher education; and merchandise such as other resource books and pampering packs for mothers. Clark would also like to develop a curriculum based on the 10 parenting strategies to possibly bring into correction facilities, since over 80 percent of incarcerated women are mothers and must readapt to life as a parent once they are released from jail. "Life as a Single Mom" is published by MDK Media, Inc., of which Clark is the president and publisher, and will be available Oct. 1. The cost is $15. To reserve a copy, visit www.ProjectSingleMoms.com or call (732) 565-3793 ext. 8. There is a 15 percent discount on sales of 20 or more. For more information about MDK, contact Clark at (732) 565-3793 ext. 3 or visit www.MyDaughtersKeeper.org.