Not a prisoner. Not an addict. Not dead.
Author shares with Edison students his experience of escaping gang life
BY CHRIS GAETANO Staff Writer

EDISON - Among gang members in South Central Los Angeles, it is generally believed that there are only three things one can ultimately be: a prisoner, an addict, or dead. By the time Luis J. Rodriguez had turned 18, the first two things had already come to pass. The third, he was hoping to avoid.

Doing so would mean an escape from gang life, something he had been a part of since he was 8 years old. Over the course of many years, his life would become a struggle to slowly claw his way out of the culture of drugs and violence that had claimed so many before him and continue to do so afterward.

On Feb. 12, Rodriguez shared this story with students at Edison High School. He was brought in to speak with the cooperation of the Edison Municipal Alliance, the Edison Policemen's Benevolent Association, acting Police Chief Ron Gerba, the Eaton Corporation of Iselin, the Clarion Hotel of Edison, and the English Department at Edison High School. A teacher at Edison High School, Joann Gerba, spearheaded the effort to bring Rodriguez to speak.

Rodriguez, a prolific poet, youth advocate and author (most notably of the memoir "Always Running"), has dedicated his life to helping people realize alternatives to being in a gang and opening their eyes to options other than being a prisoner, an addict or dead. As a former gang member himself, he tries to reach people in ways that police and politicians usually can't. He has been working with gangs for more than 30 years, running a community center, counseling youths and visiting prisons.

Starting his street life at the age of 7, stealing what he could, he said that as a youth, he admired the local gang members.

"I can't say I joined a gang because someone forced me to … I joined because there was something about gangs that attracted me," he said.

It was the sense of belonging and community that drew him to the life, especially amid the chaos of living with 11 people in a small apartment. Gangs had their own symbols, traditions and languages. Being in a gang, he said, offered not only protection, but meaning in a life that at times seemed devoid of it.

"We had nothing else as meaningful as being in that gang," said Rodriguez.

He joined his first gang at the age of 11, he said, and his whole world changed after that. People looked at him differently. He dressed differently. He talked differently. He learned the special graffiti, and he said he thought it was the greatest thing in the world. At 12, he began doing drugs, starting with pills and huffing but then moving on to heroin. At 13, he began getting arrested for fighting and stealing. At 15, his mother kicked him out of the house.

"Which is a very hard thing for a mother to do, but some mothers can't handle this. I don't even blame my mother, to this day, I don't blame her, she threw me out of the house," said Rodriguez.

He was homeless on the streets of L.A. doing heroin both in the city and in Mexico. By 16, he had been in two adult facilities - in one of those facilities, he had a cell right next to Charles Manson. In his own cell, he was with two murderers. The first night he was there, they put a razor to his neck.

"You had to learn early on to not show any fear," said Rodriguez. "Not to show any emotion. Not to let people know you could be weak in any way. One sign of fear or weakness, and you would be dead. So I learned to be kind of inhuman. I learned this in the street and in jail."

After getting out of jail the first time, he joined what he called the hardcore group of his gang. The night of his initiation, he was driven to a party in a rival gang's neighborhood and began stabbing and beating everyone they could see.

"One guy was in the car and was already bleeding, and one of my homies gave me a rusty screwdriver and told me to stab him, and that's what I did," said Rodriguez. "That was my initiation."

From there, he began doing drive-by shootings, armed robberies and hijackings. He shot people, he said, and he was ready and prepared to get shot himself.

"I wanted the bullets. I wanted to die in the blaze of glory because to me it was my way of committing suicide," said Rodriguez.

At 17, he was arrested for attempted murder and spent nine months in juvenile hall, a light sentenced received after his gang intimidated the witnesses.

"[But] eventually, it all caught up to me," said Rodriguez.

At 18, he was facing a six-year prison sentence and was hooked on heroin, and at that point 25 of his friends had already been killed. He said that should have been the end.

"So, there I am, 18 years old, sitting in jail facing all this time, and I have nobody no more. No homies, no family, nothing. The spider in the web was all I was," said Rodriguez.

"Obviously, I am in a different world. I write books. I have my own cultural center. I have a beautiful family. I have been sober now for 15 years. I go around and I talk to people and kids. So what happened?" he said later.

He credits his turnaround to a change of attitude, which he said could only be possible through a change in the way people began treating him. He said that in the time he went to school, people would tell him he would never amount to anything, and he believed every word of it. But facing jail terms, something was different.

"People somehow saw something in me that I couldn't see. I was prepared to go to prison, - didn't matter. They thought that I was a leader, an artist, and could get treated. They wrote letters to the judge. This judge didn't have to do this, but he gave me a chance. And this wasn't a second chance, this was a seventh or eighth chance.And when I got out of jail, I decided I did not want to go to jail anymore for a criminal reason," said Rodriguez.

He took a year to get off heroin and then began his work in trying to bring peace to the streets. He was rewarded by being shot by members of his own gang while waiting for a bus.

"After all I had done for the gang … they shot at me, because I wanted peace," said Rodriguez. "To me, that was the beginning of a new life, because I had no reason to be in the gang anymore.

"When I got old enough … I decided to sentence myself to a lifetime of community action," he later added.

He took several questions from the audience. One student asked him what it was like to kill someone. He said it didn't feel like much at all.

"You have to detach yourself from a vital part of your humanity … I was so detached, it looked like some animal, far, far away.…What it feels like is, you are not feeling nothing," said Rodriguez.

Reaction to his presentation was overwhelmingly positive, with the students applauding him several times throughout his speech, such as when he said he has been sober for 15 years and when he said he is now married. Some students felt that he could be a good role model.

"I thought it was a very good presentation and he is a really good role model for kids, and I noticed everyone was listening to him intently, so I think he can reach out to kids. He's a good example because he's been through so much stuff, but how he changed and how he turned it all around," said sophomore Poulam Saha.

Dr. Miles J. Austin, a substitute teacher who also heads the Life for Christ Foundation in Metuchen, also works with issues of gang violence through his organization. He felt that he and Rodriguez have very similar missions.

"I think that gangs are the result of a lack of responsibility on the part of the community, and like he said, these guys are looking for a family," said Austin.

Later on, Rodriguez said that he believes gang violence is a product of the culture we live in, as well as poverty, saying that what most people know about gangs, both positive and negative, is very distorted.

"The reality is, they are not the best kids, they are not the worst kids," said Rodriguez.

The biggest problem with the way gang violence is currently dealt with, he said, was an overemphasis on suppression and not enough on whole community development. Everyone, he said, must get involved.

"Instead of the driving force, it should be part of a package that includes schools taking care of kids, parents being involved, churches being involved, businesses hiring people. The police have a role, but I don't think it should be the main role," said Rodriguez.

The problem with this approach, he said, is that people act their best when treated with respect and given high expectations. He said the police are for when that fails.

"But right now, it's too much of that, too much knocking them around, zero tolerance, giving them many, many years of time; it's ridiculous," said Rodriguez.