Mom's 'green,' no thanks to the kids
Are We There Yet? • LORI CLINCH
Although I doubt that I'll ever have the time to hug a tree, I have been attempting to make a change or two in order to help the planet.

If for nothing else, then for the sake of the children.

I've cut back on processed foods and stocked up on organic matter. I exchanged my aerosols for spray pumps and began to rethink my antibacterial soap. I changed to eco-friendly light bulbs, grew my own tomatoes, recycled the newspapers and quit cleaning with harmful chemicals. In fact, some days when I really want to save our planet, I don't clean at all.

Oh, the sacrifices I make for our little dears.

I started flipping off the light switches, turning off TVs and suggested that people can walk through rooms without lighting them up like Main Street. Some called me an old miser, and one of the children complained about doing his homework by the light of the moon. But I simply explained to him that if we want to live in a world that is free of toxic waste, sacrifices must be made.

Heaven knows I don't want to be responsible for a contaminated ecosystem and the melting of the polar ice cap.

But, there was one change that I knew that I had to make, yet I had a hard time doing it— the use of plastic grocery bags. I knew I shouldn't have used them. I realized I should have left them at the store and I was fully aware that they are an abomination to anyone who respects the planet. Even if you're not out hugging a sequoia.

At first, I tried to deal with my guilt by reusing the plastic bags. I quickly found that they're a cheap way to line the trashcans. The diligent can crochet them into a throw rug and the crafty can make them into a necklace for a friend that she doesn't really like. I insisted that my husband substitute them for golashes, used them to wrap my mother's birthday gift and when they started coming in faster than I could use them up, I mailed a box full of them to a cousin in Biloxi. She hasn't spoken to me since, but to be honest with you, we never really were that close.

Much to my dismay, I have found out that other than wire hangers and unmated socks, very few things reproduce faster than plastic grocery bags.

I'll admit, when I first saw the reusable cloth bags, I thought to myself, Now there's a novel idea. Why, perhaps I should buy some. Sadly, buying enough of them to supply the Clinch expenditures sounded kind of pricey, even at a dollar a bag.

The second time I saw them, I gave it serious consideration. I never bought them, you understand, just contemplated it, put it off and added to my guilt as I shoved plastic bags into cupboards and drawers and shipped another boxful to a cousin in Pocatello, who once was quite rude to my sister.

But, there is no better investment than that of our children's future. So just last Wednesday, as I dragged two full shopping carts full of groceries and fall décor up to the register, I said to the checkout clerk, "By gum, let's do this thing! Hit me with the reusable bags."

When I pulled into the garage, I summoned the children to bring in the family supplies. They raced to the garage in anticipation of something new and fun, but when they threw open the hatch on our trusty Suburban, they gasped in shock.

"What the heck are those?" I heard one of them ask as he stuck his head into the back of the car.

You would have thought they were viewing aliens wrapped in black, square cocoons with clever handles.

"What has Mom done now?" said another child as he peered in to take a gander.

"It looks as if the old gal bought a bajillion new purses."

"Yeah, and filled them with all sorts of stuff."

"Do you suppose Dad knows?"

"Well, I'm so going to tell him!" said yet another brother as he raced back into the house.

I'm so glad that I never took the time to hug a tree for these ingrates.

Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book "Are We There Yet?" You can reach her at www.loriclinch. com.