Gearing up for Black Friday is not for the faint of heart
Are We There Yet? • LORI CLINCH
Ishould have realized that the holidays were approaching the instant I received my first Christmas catalog.

Of course it was mid-July at the time, so I tossed the catalog in my "things to read" pile and headed out to do yard work in hopes of mulching my worries away.

Barbecue grills being replaced by Christmas trees were no cause of concern for me. The elves who were pushing pencils during the back-to school specials didn't bother me much and I felt no sign of duress when I saw T-shirts stating, "I made Santa's naughty list" on display at Wal-Mart.

I even held steady as the children changed my ring tone to "Joy to the World" and wrote wish lists on sticky notes and plastered them on my bathroom mirror.

I remained oblivious to the approach of the holidays until my sister-in-law called and proudly announced that she had bought new sneakers, downsized her purse, been scouring the sale ads and told me that inquiring minds wanted to know — had I readied for Black Friday?

Suddenly I was so upset that I had to console myself by polishing off the Halloween candy.

Before I knew my in-laws, I knew nothing of the day after Thanksgiving shopping. I was oblivious to door busters and early-bird specials. I had no idea that a person could get a 30-percent discount if she had coupons, another 15 percent off if she shopped before dawn, and that if she used her credit card and a candy bar wrapper that they'd knock off an additional 20 percent that made her $30 fuzzy gloves a mere $1.99.

Being blissfully ignorant, I showed up on my very first Black Friday sporting a happy face and a trendy shade of lipstick.

It may have been zero-dark-thirty, but I was young, I was hip and I was a mom on a mission.

I had no idea that lists and agendas had been prepared, that maps had been drawn or that the day had been scheduled like a wellplanned attack.

We descended upon the stores like vultures. Shoving and grabbing, selecting and spending. I'd never been through anything like it. I bought presents for everyone on my list and a bunch of stuff for me. Why I purchased enough Christmas décor at discount prices to boost the economy all by my onesy.

In all of their planning and preparation, I wondered if these magnificent sisters-in-law of mine had thought about the most important thing of all — the stashing of the merchandise. You see, there's nothing a husband loathes more than excessive spending. He doesn't care if doors were busted, discounts were considered or if those $1.99 fuzzy gloves had once been upward of 30 bucks.

So I stood back and let the bulk of the women walk in the door ahead of me so that I might observe. The men were gathered around the TV and engrossed in a football game, and while I was tempted to stash my purchases outside in a tree, my sister-in-laws marched in with their sacks as if they were floats in the Macy's Day Parade.

"You won't believe how much I saved you today!" one of them proudly announced.

"Yes," chimed in another, "if we didn't love you enough to get up at the crack of dawn, you'd be looking at taking out a second mortgage for today's bounty!"

This seemed to get them by. Their husbands said nothing and appeared to be content with the money their wives saved them. But could I be so bold? Could I play that part as well as they had?

All eyes fell upon me and as I stood there with more sacks than I could safely hold as I met my husband's gaze. Knowing that I had spent more than I could make in a month of writing, I followed my sisters-in-law's line of defense as I stiffened my spine and held my head up high.

I was ready to tell my husband that I had spent what I needed to. That he was lucky to have me for I am nothing if not a thrifty woman.

Knowing what I had to do, I took a deep breath and said to my husband with bold determination, "Don't look at me, these sacks all belong to your sisters."

Lori Clinch is the mother of four sons and the author of the book "Are We There Yet?" You can reach her at www.loriclinch.com.